As I sat with my Bible open and read the words of Moses, I knew this passage was meant for me and this particular sliver of time.
“But Moses protested to God, Who am I to appear before Pharaoh? Who am I to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt?” Exodus 3:11 (NLT)
“But Moses protested again, “What if they won’t believe me or listen to me? What if they say, “The Lord never appeared to you?” Exodus 4:1 (NLT)
“But Moses pleaded with the Lord, “O Lord, I’m not very good with words, I never have been, and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled.” Exodus 4:10 (NLT)
“But Moses again pleaded, “Lord, please! Send anyone else.” Exodus 4:13 (NLT)
On the heels of sacred ground, on the heels of a burning-bush calling, Moses finds himself paralyzed with fear, doubt, and worry.
God has chosen him, asked him to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, and all Moses can say is, “Who am I?” “What if?” and “How?”
I read these words as the house sits silent, as sun breaks through clouds and children sleep. In a few hours breakfast will be eaten, my girls will be dressed, and we’ll gather around an old wooden desk in our family room.
And I’m scared to death.
This isn’t just any morning. This morning has its own sacred ground call, its own burning-bush glory. This morning is the first day of thousands in which I will attempt to home school my daughter.
For five years I have looked forward to and dreaded this day. I don’t know if I can do this, and just like Moses all I can do is stare at the task before me and feel small and terribly unqualified.
“Who am I to think I can handle something this vital, this important?”
“What if I fail?”
“I’m terrible at math, I have no training, I’ve never done anything like this before. How will I ever succeed?”
“God, are you sure this is a good idea? Perhaps someone else? Anyone else?”
But there isn’t anyone else. There’s just me and God and this knowing in my soul that for me and my family this is right.
When Moses grappled with God over his calling to lead the children of Israel God responded with an ever-patient, ever-confident answer.
“God answered, “I will be with you.” Exodus 3:12 (NLT)
“God replied to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM. Say this to the people of Israel: “I AM has sent me to you.” Exodus 3:14 (NLT)
“Then the Lord asked Moses, “Who makes a person’s mouth? Who decided whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the Lord? Now go! I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say.” Exodus 4:11-12 (NLT)
As I read these words my fear, my doubt, and my worry begin to slip away like the nighttime sky, and I know it sure: I am equipped for this task because I am equipped with God.
The same God who was with Moses in Egypt is with me on a Monday morning when fear is cold and paralyzing.
He’s with me on all the mornings my homespun school bell rings.
He’s with me in the flashcards, the science experiments, and the handwriting charts. (And the MATH! He’s with me in that too!)
He’s with me in the moments when concepts click and light fills my daughter’s eyes.
He’s with me in the moments when children cry in frustration, and the floor hasn’t been vacuumed in weeks, and the hamper is overflowing, and I want to cry too.
And He’s with me when I remove my shoes because this is my daughter, this is my family, this is my sacred ground, and like a burning bush my choice is clear: succumb to fear of what I can’t do in my own power, in my own strength, or rely on the truth of what I can do when God is with me.
In his book The Circle Maker, Mark Batterson writes,
“Have you ever felt like your dream was too big for you? Moses felt that way more than once. When God called him to lead the Israelites out of the land of Egypt, Moses felt like it was too big. He felt like he wasn’t qualified, so he asked God to send someone else to do it. In my experience, you’ll never feel qualified. But God doesn’t call the qualified; God qualifies the called.”
How about you? What’s your sacred ground? What’s your burning-bush call? What makes you ask the question, “Who am I?” “What if?” or “How?”
Whatever it is remember Moses. Remember whose you are.
And listen deep for the voice that whispers the only thing you need to know: “I will be with you.”
The voice that sees, and knows, and calls you by name. The voice that names you, “Qualified.”