Tag Archives: Trust

When It’s Hard to Find Your Bearings

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A few weeks ago during the NCAA basketball tournament I watched a post-game interview with North Carolina’s coach, Roy Williams, and his star ball-handler, Joel Berry.

The game had been pretty harry. As a huge fan of North Carolina I watched with my hands over my eyes, peeking between my fingers, as my Tar Heels almost gave the game away to Arkansas in the second round.

“Joel, how did you manage to take control of the game at the end of the second half when Arkansas had your team against the ropes?” the reporter asked.

“It was tough. We were struggling as a team and nothing seemed to be working until Coach told me to just get lost. He said, go out there and get lost in the game and do what you know how to do. And that’s what I did, and thankfully we were able to come away with a win.”

Get lost in the game…

Do what you know how to do…

When I heard this I loved it! And I claimed these words as my own.

For weeks I’ve been caught up and a little bit lost in hundreds of decisions concerning the home building project Mr. Wonderful and I started this January.

Flooring, faucets, paint colors, lights, appliances, trim… the list of details seems endless. And while I have loved every minute of this long awaited process my writing has been put on hold until this part of the project is finished.

Now, with our list of selections turned into our builder I’m free to start writing again but I’m struggling to find my bearings. It’s been weeks since I’ve blogged or worked on my story and it’s hard to know where to start. I’m excited and scared and nervous and why does it seem like the first steps are always the hardest?

And again, the words of Coach Williams ring in my mind and my heart. Becoming more than just the words of a beloved coach, they’ve adopted the voice of King Jesus.

Just go out there and get lost…

Do what you know how to do…

When I was growing up I took years and years of piano lessons. I loved the music and the notes and played my favorites, Canon in D and Fur Elise, over and over again. The times that were the sweetest were the moments when I got lost in the music. While my fingers kept playing notes…notes that had become an extension of me…my mind wandered far away and the music somehow kept flowing. Without even thinking about what I was doing the music turned into magic, a spell of my own creation.

Moments like these never ceased to amaze me and it was for moments like these that I kept trying, and failing, and learning, and playing.

Now writing is the magic I covet, and as I look to dive back into to my world of words and stories I know the only real way to do it successfully is to let myself get lost.

Get lost in the words…

Get lost in the story…

And do what I know how to do…

In music, in writing, in life.

 In all things good and noble and worth the doing.

 Sometimes we just have to get lost before we find our way.

Three Things to Remember When Life Sets You Back

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So it’s been a while.

When I lasted posted on this blog, Christmas carols were still playing, lights were still hung on trees, and hope filled my heart for a fantastic start to the coming New Year.

Writing goals…

Homeschool goals…

Get-in-shape goals…

They each beckoned to me with the promise of a fresh start, a new year.

New Year’s Day came and went. So far, so good!

January 2nd, my best friend, Beth, arrived for her yearly visit from China.

January 4th, my new niece was born.

We were off to a smashing start.

And then January 5th happened. Blessing started to cough. Promise came down with a fever, Hope with a runny nose.

It’s okay, I thought. Nothing a little Elderberry and a day or two on the couch can’t cure.

Wrong.

What started as a cold for my girls, turned into colds for Mr. Wonderful and me too, and a long cycle of sickness ensued. As soon as one of us got well, someone else came down with something new.

Chest congestion…

Ear infection…

A sinus cold from you know where…

Nearly six weeks later we’re still recovering.

And those goals for my new year? Those beautiful visions of getting ahead? Of getting on track? Off getting things done?

They feel long ago and far away, forgotten. It’s hard to even remember what they were.

Wherever they are, whatever they were as I get myself, my family, my home back together, back to health and life as usual there are three things I’m trying to hold onto. Hoping that if I cling to these above all else, somehow, eventually, the pieces will come together and I will have the new year I hope for.

First of all…It’s a slip not a slide: My very wise friend and fellow writer, Cindy Bultema, once spoke about the importance between a slip and a slide. Slips are quick and easy to get over. Slides are long and drawn out. The difference between the two is almost always my attitude and the way I choose to see and react to what life brings. So January and February did not go the way I planned, hoped, or expected. So what! They don’t have to be a slide or, in other words, these past few weeks DO NOT determine the rest of my year. They can be overcome. I can move on. Quick. Easy. A slip not a slide.

Next there’s this…God’s grace can cover this too: The weeks of sickness my family has experienced is something I can’t control and sometimes recognizing what’s within my control and what isn’t, is half the battle. Rather than fighting against something I can’t control, my limited energy is much better spent doing the things I can do and trusting God with the rest. Because the truth is, His grace really is enough. For all the things that go undone, for all the ways I fall short, He provides what’s needed. Always, just what’s needed. So, yeah, we’ve missed a ton of school days. And, yeah, my writing is on life support, and yeah, these thighs, they ain’t gettin’ smaller… but we’re doing what we can, as we can, and somehow, I trust. I TRUST. It’s all gonna shake out in the wash.

And finally…None of this determines my worth: This is the big one isn’t it? The one we don’t even realize we’re doing to ourselves. The one that sneaks in like a snake and steals every spark of truth we have, every shred of joy, every fiber of peace. When set backs like this happen, when things don’t go the way I planned, it’s so easy for me to go there, to that place where I’m discouraged, where I’m convinced that I’m a failure, where all evidence shows I’m blowing it big time. And once I’m there it’s hard to get back. But the truth? This has nothing to do with me. It. Is. A Cold. A long-lasting, miserable, terrible cold. It is not a reflection of who I am and it’s not a measure of what I’m worth. When I find my identity getting mixed up with what’s going on around me, I know it’s time to start taking captive each and every thought. Inspect every one. Keep the truth: God’s got this. I am loved. It’s going to be okay. We’re going to be okay. His grace is sufficient. I am His and He is mine. Nothing can steal my peace or my joy. Pitch the lie: Ha! You haven’t blogged in a month and you call yourself a writer? How could you? What were you thinking? You are a terrible mother. What a mess you’ve made. What a failure. What a screw up.

Whether it’s at the start of a brand new year or anywhere in between, when the stuff of life sets you back, hang on tight to these three things. They may not take the sting away, but they will get you through.

Like Elderberry mixed with a day or two on the couch, may they be nourishment, comfort, and the cure for what ails you.

Three Things to Remember for Gut Check Times Like Now

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patriotic-flagIt’s gut check time.

 In my house

In my heart

In our country

It all became incredibly real to me this morning. On a cold and rainy Wednesday, in a house dark from low hanging clouds, nothing was going right. Everything around us was crumbling like leaves.

An alarm clock didn’t go off, kids were yelling and fighting, my cold wasn’t going away, his deals weren’t coming through. A dream we’ve all been counting on, hoping for, sat dusty on the shelf.

I had this feeling of holding my breath. An anxious feeling. A deep feeling. A feeling of just wanting everything to come together, fall in place, turn out perfect.

Isn’t perfection what we’re all hoping for, searching for, chasing after?

And aren’t we all sort of holding our breath? 

In a world where we constantly dribble out posts, and blurb out speeches, and rail through our long and thought out arguments of who, and what, and where, and why and, honestly, who cares? I’m tired of the fluff, the Sunday school answers, the witty quips and replies.

Nope. In times like these, I need the real stuff. The good stuff. The stuff that moves me. The stuff that moves mountains.

I need the stuff of God.

For my family this morning

For me this day

For our country at this all important hour 

I need to look up. I want to lean in. I have got to figure out a way to keep pressing on.

So where do we find the stuff of God? How do we hunt for it, chase it down? Of course there are millions of ways but for me, it all keeps coming back to three essentials:

 Prayer

Worship

And The Lord of the Rings

Not expecting that third one? Don’t worry, I’ll explain…

IMG_5648But first: Prayer

I know, I know, the Sunday school answer, right?

But it isn’t right; it’s wrong, so wrong, to feel that way about such an important thing and so reflective of how far we’ve gotten from where we need to be.

That prayer is taken so lightly, resisted so fully, and overlooked so readily is evidence of a heart and a people holding God at arm’s length.

Because prayer is power. It is aligning ourselves directly with the King of Kings. With His throne. With His armies. It is our way of doing combat in a world constantly at war. This is true on the level of our individual hearts, our household, and our world at large, our nation included.

We need prayer. We need to pray. It is vital, and in gut check times like this prayer is how we adjust our focus away from ourselves, away from what is happening, and zero in on His way, His truth, His love.

This is how we look up.

Next up: Worship

Again, I know, we’ve heard it before, and yet worship is the last thing I ever feel like doing because worship is surrender. In order for me to worship Him directly, I have to stop worshiping all the lesser things that have taken up space in my heart. 

It’s so much easier to check out than surrender up a song, a dance, a word of thanks. But when I do? My arms open wide; literally, I can’t keep them in. My knees bend and I fall to the floor. I am physically bowed low and internally overcome. I am filled with nothing less than His presence.

All those lesser things I was worshiping, clinging to, hoping for ebb away as He fills in the blanks, the cracks, and all my broken.

This is how we lean in.

FootprintsAnd press on…

How do we press on? When dreams are put on hold, and hearts are smashed, and our world is so completely screwed up? 

When rulers are wicked? And injustice thrives? And all hope seems lost? 

Enter: The Lord of the Rings

In my family we turn to Hobbits. To Aragorn and Arwen. To our old friend Gandalf and the epic story/struggle of The Lord of the Rings to get our hearts on track. Because in this story, we see our story. In their struggle we see our own. In their victories we remember what ours have been and imagine what future victories could look like.

We remember who we are and Whose we are, and in remembering we find hope. We find the stuff of God.

I know this looks different for everyone. For me it’s LOR and other tried and true movies, books, and stories. For you it may be a song, a picture, a verse, a day at the lake or a walk in the woods. 

You know the stuff. Whatever gets you your heart back. Whatever reminds you who you are (God’s Beloved), what you’re made of (His image, His likeness), who you belong to (Him, the Savoir, the King). That’s what we have to hunt for, return to, fill up on, linger in. 

This is how we press on.

We all want perfect. 

Perfect dreams to come true

Perfect houses to live in

Perfectly behaved children

Perfect love 

Perfect health

Perfect policies

A perfect candidate

IMG_4076It all became incredibly real to me this afternoon. After the turmoil of this morning. After praying with my family and stirring mac-in-cheese to the tune of The Great I Am, after making plans with my man and my girls for a popcorn and Frodo night…

The perfection I want in this life, whether it’s in a perfectly picked-up living room, a perfectly executed day of school, or the dreams I imagine coming perfectly true, none of it is for here. Perfection isn’t for this world. Perfection is for heaven. I am never going to get it perfectly all together. I’m not supposed to.

I can stop holding my breath…

What is for here is Him. HIM! And I can have all of Him I want. But to get to Him I have to look up. I have to lean in. I have to press on. 

Our future is uncertain. Nothing is as it should be. It would be easy to lose hope. 

 And yet? 

“My hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.

I dare not trust the sweetest frame but wholly lean on Jesus’ name.

On Christ the solid rock I stand. All other ground is sinking sand… 

 All other ground is sinking sand.”*

 

* From the hymn, My Hope is Built on Nothing Less, by Edward Mote

What You’ve Got to Remember When You Think He’s Forgotten

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Hands“You just don’t care about my birthday!”

 The words came hot and fast from the mouth of my six-year-old girl. She crossed her arms in a huff and stared out the window of our van.

“What did you just say?” I said in that you’re about to get it sort of way. I eyed her in my rearview mirror amazed by what I just heard. “Where in the world is that coming from?”

“You don’t care,” she continued. “You haven’t found anything Princess Jasmine at the store and now you’re just not doing anything…” 

I knew by the squeak in her voice and the tears in her eyes that she was serious; honestly convinced I was failing her.

In my mind questions flew like arrows. How could she think that? Doesn’t she see? Doesn’t she know how much I love her, how much I really do care?

Sunshine SmilesTruth is I’m doing all kinds of things to make her birthday magical. The cake, the games, the gifts…it’s all there in my head waiting to become a reality as her special day draws near.

Trying to keep my cool I consider pulling over. “Are you kidding me, Blessing?” I check the mirror, make sure she’s listening. “Did you ever think that maybe I don’t want you to know? That maybe I want to surprise you with something really special. It’s your birthday for heaven’s sake! You’re not supposed to know right now. Don’t you know how much I love you? Don’t you know I love you so much that I don’t just care about your birthday, I want to make it as special as I possibly can for you? Just because you can’t see what I’m doing doesn’t mean I’m not working hard to do something amazing for you, something beyond what you’ve asked for, what you can even imagine.”

And suddenly I knew. As the words left my mouth, it hit me. This message, it wasn’t for her, at least not completely. These words were also for me.

IMG_2068My husband and I are in the midst of a project. Several projects really. I’m writing my book. He’s building his business. And together we’re making plans to build a home on our property. At any given moment it seems like something…if not several somethings…is going completely wrong. Something isn’t coming together the way we thought it would. Some challenge must be addressed, reworked, dealt with, fixed.

It’s overwhelming to say the least. Just that very morning I found myself on the brink of a meltdown. One problem too many was pushing me to the edge. 

What are you doing, God? I wondered. We’ve asked for your help. We want to see this dream come true. Why does it seem like you don’t even care? 

As I looked at the face of my daughter I imagined our King Papa, shaking His head, amused by my antics. By my huffing and puffing and crossing of arms.

“Oh daughter,” He seemed to say, His words echoing mine. “Don’t you know how much I love you…“

Mom:DaughterWith everything happening around us I had lost my trust in Him. So focused on what I could see, I lost faith in all His unseen. His arrows of truth hit the bulls-eye of my heart and I drove home lost in His unfailing promise.

For as much as I love my daughter, He loves me a billion times more. For as much as I care and am plotting and planning to make her birthday special, He’s behind the scenes of every moment of my life working all things together for good. For my great good. My best good. For dreams come true beyond what I wish for or imagine.

And sure, I have my questions. I have things I don’t understand. But the details are not for me to know right now. The answers are coming but they’re not here yet. 

We pulled into the driveway and before we went inside I held my dear girl close. 

“I know there are things you can’t see. There are things you don’t understand. I feel that way too sometimes. But when that happens we need to trust. You need to trust me and together we need to trust God and His love for us. Can we work on that together? ” 

She nodded her yes and I nodded mine, and together we sat for a moment held tight in each other’s arms just imagining what lies in store.

March Madness: For When Your Life Feels Like a Buzzer-Beater (and You’re on the Losing Team)

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NetSince the last time I posted:

~ My husband fell in our garage, severely spraining his ankle and breaking his foot

~ My mom-in-law was in a bad car accident fracturing her foot in six different places

~ I received emotionally distressing news related to my writing life

~ All three of my girls followed by Chris and me came down with chest colds that won’t go away

~ Two birthday parties for my little ones have been cancelled and rescheduled due to injuries and sickness

~ In addition to the cold I came down with a painful mastitis infection

~ Chris’s grandfather became seriously ill while traveling away from home

~ Our homeschooling schedule has been turned on its head

And yet…

~ There’s also this:

IMG_5648~ And this:

Blue Eye Belle~ And this:

Blue Moon Smile~ There’s the super-cool ice machine my husband’s business associate sent him to help with icing his foot

~ There’s medicine and immune boosters helping all of us heal

~ There’s a chance for me to grow as a writer and make my novel better

~ There’s our pastor friend who prayed over us

~ Family and friends who understand a change of plans and give us grace (times two)

~ A special guest speaker at my writing group and a wonderful evening with friends

~ Little girls that keep being golden despite their stuffy noses

~ Prayers for Grandpa and signs of improvement

IMG_5649~ The first glimpse of spring in Michigan

~ Supernatural pain relief for my mom-in-law after her recent surgery to repair her foot

~ My mom who has kept our clothes clean and our bellies full

They call this season March Madness and our March, so far, has been just that. We’ve been attacked emotionally, spiritually, and physically. It’s been one thing after another and at times my spirits have sunk pretty low.

But there’s also been a lot of good, a lot to celebrate and be thankful for. In the midst of the madness, in the midst of the storm, I’ve been reminded this week that we do have a choice.

~ We can choose to focus on the good or focus on the bad.

~ We can choose to keep our eyes on God or keep our eyes on all that’s going wrong.

~ We can choose to give our hearts away to Satan and his attacks or we can stand in the name of Jesus and fight to keep our hearts intact.

 Anyone can praise God when things are going great, when life is good and beautiful. I want to praise Him in the midst of the madness. As the popular lyrics of Matt Redman’s worship song says, “let me be singing when the evening comes…” * I want to be found signing at night regardless of the day.

My life, as of late, feels a bit like a buzzer-beater. It’s been fast! Dramatic! And crazy! And it feels like we keep coming up short, like we just keep losing. 

But with God nothing is ever lost. Anything and everything is always there, working together for good.

* 10,000 Reasons (Bless the Lord) by Matt Redman and Jonas Myrin